Bedtime routine

In 12 easy steps

1. 8PM. Van has to 'do his jobs', potty, brush his teeth, and change into his pajamas.

2. 8:15 PM. I read books, or Van reads sentences or we play with popcorn words. Something reading related.

3. 8:45 PM. Then I put a dry diaper and footie pajamas on Esther and the lightest blanket possible on Van and have them both lay down in the bottom bunk of Van's bunkbed.

4. 8:46 PM. I turn off the lights and give Esther a bottle, which 'starts the timer' as Andy and I used to say, describing how this is the only window for her to fall asleep easily (however this only works if she hasn't napped that day, and she naps most days).

5. 8:47 PM I sit in the armchair in the corner and tell Van repeatedly 'No moving, no talking, it's time to sleep'.
If I were to leave, they would play together for hours and never sleep. Also Van would get scared. So for both reasons I stay, sometimes I even watch a movie with headphones in the iPad or play Sudoku on my phone.

6. 8:48 - 9:02 PM. In about 1 - 15 minutes, Van is asleep. Now we could have a parade and he would not notice. If Esther has napped at all that day, Esther is not asleep. By this time she has usually already asked to leave to potty, or go visit daddy. I usually let her. It's easier to get Van to sleep first and find her later. This would make him mad, as the oldest he wants to go to bed latest, but I tell him that he works hard at school and therefore his sleep in priority number one. He likes being the top priority.

7. 9:03 PM. Once Van is asleep I track down Esther. I change her diaper and give her another 1/2 of a bottle and put her back in bed. She can have exactly 1.5 bottles before bed and still wake up reasonably dry. Any more and her diaper will overflow making her pajamas and the sheets wet.

8. 9:04 PM Esther, opposite of Van, will not fall asleep while I am in the room, so I leave at this point. Sometimes I lock the door. If I do that, Esther will get out of bed, turn on the lights and play in the room for another hour. If I really need her to sleep I unscrew the lightbulbs. Either way Van will continue to sleep.

    8a. Sometimes I leave the door open. If I do that, Esther will get up 700 times.

    8b. If Van will only sleep with me in the room and Esther will only sleep without me in the room, why didn't I just put her in her own room in the first place then and do this in parallel? because if I put her in her own room at bedtime she will scream and cry continuously until I let her out. This is useful only as a threat, 'Esther, lay down or I'm going to make you sleep in your own bedroom'.

9. 9:05PM I occasionally fall asleep at this point.

10. 10 or 11 PM. I make sure the door is unlocked. Esther is asleep in front of the door, lights are on in their room and she has pooped in her diaper. Van is still asleep. I change her and put her back in bed. I don't need to lock the door now, she'll fall right asleep without getting up again.

11. Between 1 - 5AM Van, shortly followed by Esther or visa versa, will show up in our bed. Depending on the timing and sequencing I try to spread everyone out in different beds around the house. If they both come in together, Andy goes to a different bed and the three of us sleep in our bed. If one child comes in, I take the single child to Esther's empty queen size bed and leave the other to find Andy in our bed. Two people per bed usually makes for reasonable sleeping. 3 is too many. 4 is too many.

12. At 5:20AM (gym day) or 6:20AM (no gym day) it is time to extract myself from the situation. I slowly move away from whichever sleeping child is next to me and cauterize the wound with the comforter so they barely notice the loss in body heat.

And that is a complete night. A flawless bedtime routine.